Since my last post was about the anxiety I felt around this week’s scan results, it seems only fair that I report back.

In summary (and I’m going to dot point this shit so as to not bore you or myself to death):

• The tumour in my breast (Karen) remains unremarkable and hasn’t grown
• The tumour in my colon (Alan) seems to have thinned slightly on the bowel wall
• I have no new tumours in my body
• The liver metastases (Alan’s weekender) show some increase in cancer activity – the ‘spots’ lit up more on this PET scan. This can indicate the cancer is no longer as sensitive to the chemo drug I am receiving.

In response we will be changing one of my drugs on the next cycle. Olaxiplatin will be added to the cocktail in place of Irinotecan.

How does this feel for me?

It’s interesting how we prepare ourselves for the worst of news and the best of news. I was a bit of a mess the morning before I received the results. Trying my best to Santosha the shit out of it but actually feeling terrified.

The actual appointment sort of felt like a bit of an anticlimax. I know that sounds weird. I received no terrible news and I was given no wonderful news. I sort of just sat there looking at Dr Duenna and basically shrugged my shoulders before trudging off to be once again hooked up to the chemo hills hoist.

Today I am as flat as a tack but otherwise ok. I slept a lot, exercised a little and ate some food. That is what I am capable of today. I accept that treatment continues and that without it I would get sicker. I continue to accept that my body is trying its best for me.

I reject the bowel that continues to produce the most disgusting farts and strangely not enough actual poo in the days following chemo. I embrace both the laughter and the repulsion that me writing about this stuff might ensue. I reject the disgusting taste in my mouth that lasts for at least a week. It’s oral thrush. Ladies, if you know, you know. Could there be anything more disgusting? Yes, there is. Anal warts. I don’t have those. Tick.

So this blog post is a bit of a shoulder shrug. An anticlimax. An information report of the dullest kind. Onwards we go.

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