An update for you all. So I am sitting in our lounge room looking at the most magnificent Christmas tree which is as tall as the ceiling and smells of the sweetest pine and it is bliss. I lie back in my new recliner to make adjustments for my very distended and hard tummy. I look out at a beautiful garden and know that my family will visit soon as they have been since I entered my new phase of home based care. I am in a very peaceful place and space and whilst I go through periods of pain and discomfort, we are learning how to manage those things with priority. 

I have left Alan, Karen and all those names I gave my cancer behind. I have left cancer behind. I am no longer in a treatment/intervention pattern and this feels extremely relieving for me. I am living my most precious life right here with my people. I know that on the downside, I can’t include all of my people in that experience with me. So many of you have reached out and want to visit and talk with me but I need to hold space for my own emotions. It’s a lot. 

I also want to enjoy time with Magro where he is not my carer. I need quite a bit of help with personal care and mobility but our experience of what marriage offers shouldn’t only be limited to the most fabulous of weddings followed by a slow and steady progression to him wiping my arse. 

But I want you to know that from my perspective, you and I have no unfinished business between us. If you read this blog, if you have supported me in friendship over the years, if you have shown care or empathy to my friends and family, then we have love between us. Whilst it is a true honour to read about the impact I’ve had on your lives, it makes me proud of the person I am. You have had an impact on me too. I believe the authentic connections between people, alive or dead, never truly end. We carry each other through our lives and beyond. 

I have been processing that I am dying for a long time and some of you are just getting your heads around it now. Please know that I am not scared. I feel at peace with the process, very well looked after by the team and my family and in a space that makes me feel loved. It’s also my favourite time of year. Full disclosure: I never started writing Christmas cards and sending them and this is a decision I have never regretted – it’s a trap and a never-ending cycle of guilt and demand!  But bless those of you who do it. My friend Bev must write more than 300.

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27 thoughts on “A new phase…

  1. Gibbo, the bravery, humour and openness you’ve shown through this completely fucked up experience is something to behold. I feel lucky we got to share your Singapore season of life – you certainly left an indelible impact on everyone still here. You are a beautiful writer and one of the funniest people I know (thankfully Peter won’t read the comments of this blog). I wish you peace and comfort x

  2. I think of you often – we met during our teacher training, and one of my favourite memories from that time is meeting you and being in awe of the way you owned the space. We discovered later on that we had a friend in common – Mikey? – and I felt bonded to you in a weird (but not creepy) way after that. I’ve been reading your blogs with love in my heart, and I wish you peace on your journey.

    • Nicole Bartletr says:

      You truly are one of a kind and am forever thankful that you been brave enough to not leave us people who care wondering. Thank you ❤

  3. Merry Christmas you amazing human. So pleased I had the gift of you through a lot of my life. I am sending you, Magro and your precious family and close friends much love and peace this Christmas. I wish you comfort and more love than I ever had. Enjoy that Chrissy tree view my friend. ❤️🎄🎅🏻😘

  4. Tiffany Goldstein says:

    Dear Kristie,

    While I cannot say that I know you well, I only met you through school, I have been following your blog and your personal journey and have been amazed by you strength and honesty. And just to let you know.. ollie has come leaps and bounds with his maths and coco has been offered accelerated maths next year. I know that this will mean something to you.
    Tiff x

  5. Gibbo,
    You are loved beyond words.
    So many of my funniest and best memories of the last nearly 30 years of friendship include you.
    I hope you know how much you mean to all of us and the joy that you bring.
    I am so in awe of how you have managed with the hand you have been dealt, and the kick in the dick you have given all of as a reminder to make the most of our one wild and precious life.
    Sending lots of love to you, Magro and all the Gibson clan xox

  6. Kath Whitmore says:

    Gib- I have been thinking so much lately about all the funny memories of our past. Remember Kos? You were such a massive part of my early life. You were there the night I met David. Whilst the passage of time meant our paths didn’t cross as often I always kept up with where you were at. As Leez has said- I’m in awe of how you have dealt with your journey. Sending you lots of love and hugs. Enjoy that tree and all that this time has to offer without the guilt and demand 🌲

  7. Hi Kristie! Becchio pointed out your amazing blog to me and I’m sorry I didn’t touch base sooner. I’m scanning your words with my eyes, registering parts but not entirely sure. I can hear your voice and it takes me back to English extension classes especially when we were in nature, eyes closed (a few crack ups) and focussed on sounds, other realms and magical worlds (or was that just my weird mind, not sure where I’m going with this eek)
    I understand I think, but maybe not, hope it’s rot, let’s do a tequila shot.
    Forever young, immortal, who needs a body when consciousness is everything anyway. Will always send lots of love, prayers, mobility power, blessings. I’m on the east coast for Xmas; I’ll prob text u and request access to your peace palace but no need reply. Pls accept my highest respect, awe and admiration to the tallest courageous most empowering human I was lucky enough to hang with in high school. I’ll write you better next time xxx 😃💗🎄💗

  8. How lucky was I to gatecrash your honeymoon and catch up after all these years!! Who would have thought that things actually happen in Newell Beach!! Also, feel lucky to have met Chris and to see you so happy. Enjoy this special time with your loved ones. What a incredible village you have around you, both near and far. Wishing you peace and comfort Gibbo and sending much love xxx

  9. Brian Gerald Gibson says:

    You are an inspiration with your honesty, humour and guts! Enjoy every day and have a wonderful xmas with family and friends. Love Brian G

  10. Peter Edwards says:

    Dear Kristie, as a bowel cancer survivor, diagnosed in 2007, it breaks my heart ❤️ reading what you have been enduring! But it is so uplifting to read the peace that you have so sweetly expressed! I’m doing a retreat now at the Nan Tien Buddhist Temple at Wollongong and I’m now about to walk to the main shrine to light a beautiful incense stick for you and Margo to wish you peace, happiness and MOST of all ❤️ Love, your Dad’s mate, Peter aka Commodore

  11. Gibbo,
    I was just shared your link.
    You are a special person who has made such an impact on me every time I am teaching.
    Your influence on me is with me more than in the classroom.
    I wish you peace.
    See you again
    Cam Smith

  12. Irene Bartlett says:

    Beautiful Kristie. Put on this earth to make us all smile and learn to not sweat the little things. So blessed to know you and your fabulous family. Big big love to you all.

  13. Dear Kristie Thank you for your beautiful friendship and all the laughs we had together at many an aftershow party of a committee meeting with lots of wine added many great times shared together. Congratulations on your wonderful wedding where as usual I believe you held the floor with your amazing truth and humour love you always from the time we first met at Castle Hill high school both squeezed into a one person ticket selling booth selling tickets for one of the HMS performances of one of our productions many memories so precious from clearing out Dave’s shed with all of our props and scenery stuff with me falling all over the place trying to carry stuff that was far too heavy for me and you were there to catch me as I fell I have never forgotten that moment god bless you as you are one beautiful soul always remembered forever luv ya!!!! 😍

  14. Virginia Fortunat says:

    Rest now Kristie, you brave warrior. Love to all your beloveds, especially your Mum. The spotlight has gone out but the stars are bigger now.

    Virginia and all the Lee family

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